How to Wade the Great Divide Without Drugs—Part 3
“Only when you learn to love yourself and master your emotions will you be truly free. The real prison does not have guards. It is not surrounded by barbed wire or electric fences. It is in the mind.” —Dr. Sean Stephenson
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This is part three of our series. If you want to know the basics of depression, read part one: Practical Ways to Deal With Depression. It discusses the typical questions on depression:
What is depression?
What are its symptoms?
What are the different kinds of depression?
Standard ways of dealing with it
Or, if you are interested in more unconventional ways to tackle depression, read part two: Wacky Ways to Deal With Depression.
You may not be depressed today, but you may know others who are. Even those who are simply feeling low need some uplift in their daily lives. So we have compiled a compendium of real-life stories of extraordinary individuals from whose accounts all of us, sad or not, can learn.
But first, a word from our elders, people who have come before us, and those of us who have already undergone our darkest moments…
The Truth About the Depressed State
When we are depressed, we see only our side of the equation. Our troubles take priority over everyone else’s.
The depressed mind only thinks about itself. It says, “Forget other people’s problems; only mine is important.” It doesn’t matter if the “problem” is getting a B in an exam and you don’t know how to break the gut-wrenching news to your parents who are used to you being an A student.
People with severe depression are incapable of looking beyond their desolation, so they are unintentionally blind to global issues like mass starvation, human trafficking, war, poverty, and homelessness. When we are in that state, we fail to see the rainbow. Instead, we focus on the weeds growing beneath our feet, ridiculing us in our misery.
Gain a Different Perspective from Others’ Lives
Many parents tell their children that it is not productive to compare themselves to others because this may breed dissatisfaction and discontent. But they are mostly referring to comparison to others leading better lives.
But comparison has its merits too. During your childhood, when you were down in the dumps, didn’t they also tell you that to feel better about yourself, you should consider the plight of those less fortunate than yourself?
Reflecting on other people’s suffering gives us a different perspective; helps us see the bigger picture. (Often, parents hope that by doing this introspection, their children will realize how shallow their concerns are.)
Parents often use this strategy when their children…
are feeling sad/low/insecure
didn’t win a contest
failed in some way
are faced with the end of a relationship
experience job loss/downsizing (or the educational equivalent)
are rejected or don’t fit in
This does not mean we are using the suffering masses as statistics. It’s a rational way of lifting one’s spirits. Whether people agree with it or not, it is very effective.
Mother told me that this process serves multiple purposes:
To make ourselves feel better
To be mindful and thankful for what we’ve got
To help those who don’t have what we have—if we can
If we cannot help, then we pray for them. Sometimes, praying is the same as helping. (Granted, we all have different belief systems, but each philosophy has an equivalent for ‘prayer’. This may be something as simple as sending out positive thoughts into the universe to benefit others.)
When Contrast Makes a Difference
There are instances when comparing ourselves to others isn’t necessarily negative.
All of our problems are valid, no matter how insignificant they seem to others. But if we look at the world at large, we realize how minuscule our dilemmas are compared to other people’s. We’ve often been told it’s not okay to compare, but many people benefit from looking at the lives of those worse off than themselves.
For example, those who lost their jobs could take a moment to reflect on the fact that unlike people in war-torn nations, they have opportunities to find another job.
The newly separated or divorced could find it helpful to take stock of what forms of support they still have:
children
parents who can shelter them
extended relatives who babysit
friends they can confide in
colleagues who take up the slack at work
neighbors who pitch in with household chores
…while recognizing that there are people around the world who lose their partners in devastating ways, such as through war, homicide, suicide, accidents, terminal illness, or natural disasters.
Parents who have given up hope turning their wayward children’s lives around could take a moment to think about other parents who no longer have their children.
On the other hand, this line of thinking can be too difficult for people dealing with severe depression or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) resulting from rape, domestic violence, a life-changing accident, or some other trauma. There is always value in acknowledging the plights of others, but no one should ever be made to feel guilty about feeling depressed, anxious, or stressed.
Peering Beyond the Fence
With this in mind, we present to you these exceptional individuals who, on the surface, seem to have been given a raw deal in life, but who have risen above their misfortune to accomplish what most of us can only dream of achieving in our entire lifetime.
We hope that their life stories will inspire you to get out of the doldrums. If you are depressed, we trust that their tenacity will move you to make that first step to improving your life… or simply help get you out of bed and face a new day with hope and optimism.
Initially, we were thinking of reserving only a few paragraphs to mention the remarkable individuals below. But all their life stories are so moving and awe-inspiring that we dedicated entire articles for each of them.
So, we assigned a web page for each motivator. Just click on each link to read their narratives.
1) The Evangelist With No Arms and Legs
Nick Vujičić is a motivational speaker and evangelist who was born without all four limbs. He has become famous for his unique disability, but more so for his superhuman power of persuasion and ability to lift people’s spirits with just one speech.
2) They Called Her the Ugliest Woman in the World
Lizzie Velásquez has a rare disorder called neonatal progeroid syndrome, which has drastically affected her physical appearance and internal biological functions.
Because of her condition, she was bullied throughout her childhood and cyberbullied when she was 17. She chanced upon a YouTube video someone posted, calling her “the ugliest woman in the world.”
Despite the cruelty dealt her, she has grown to be an upright, balanced, confident adult with a positive outlook in life.
She is now a motivational speaker, an anti-bullying activist, an author, and a social media influencer. She has appeared in many online videos, influential TV shows, and had a documentary produced about her life. She is now basking in myriad successes that count as a monumental slap in the face of her detractors.
We are sure you will be quite impressed (as we are) with Velasquez’s gumption in taking on the bullies who tormented her in her youth.
Read our homage to her.
Watch her speech in Texas: “How do you define yourself?”
3) The Dichotomy of the Diminutive Giant
Sean Stephenson was born with osteogenesis imperfecta, a rare disorder that stunts growth and makes bones brittle.
As an adult, he measures shy of three feet tall. Despite his short stature and wheelchair confinement, media people who interviewed him consider him a giant because of the sheer number of accomplishments he completed in a minimal time frame despite his disability.
Read our memorial to him.
Watch his talk in California: “The Prison of Your Mind.”
4) The Happiest Man on Earth
Eddie Jaku witnessed, experienced, and miraculously survived the most horrific event in the history of mankind—the Holocaust. Despite his Nazi captors and torturers having inflicted all kinds of atrocious acts on him, and killed his family and 6 million of his people, he doesn’t hold any hatred or bitterness toward them.
Having lived up to 101 years old before reuniting with his Maker, Eddie dedicated his life to being joyful and encouraging people to be happy despite evil and injustice in the world.
5) The Blind Mountaineer Who Scaled the World’s Seven Summits (Plus One)
Erik Weihenmayer is the first blind person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. His feat, completed on May 25, 2001, ranks number four on the list of the greatest ascents of the world’s tallest mountain.
Time magazine recorded his exploit in their December 1 cover story written in his honor. He was number eight in the sports category of their Top 10 Everything list of luminaries in 2001.
The irony of being a sightless visionary is not lost on Weihenmayer: “It’s one thing to create a vision but entirely another thing to believe in it so strongly that you are able to summon up the courage, discipline, and focus to live within its framework.”
6) The Woman Who Flies Planes With Her Feet
The Guinness World Records lists Jessica Cox as the first woman licensed to fly an airplane solely with her feet. Despite having been born without arms due to a rare medical disorder, she goes about daily life as if she had them. Flying sports aircraft is only one of her extraordinary talents.
One of her mantras is: “Disability does not mean inability.”
Read our literary salute to her.
Watch her speech in Tel Aviv, Israel: “What are your fake arms?”
Wisdom from Present-Day Heroes
There are many points of discernment that can be garnered from the lives of our featured heroes here. We hone in on three of them.
Aspect #1
It is natural for most of us to indulge in self-pity and question our circumstances when bad things happen to us. We tend to think, “Why me?” Well, why not us?
Do we occupy a higher level of human existence that elevates us from everyone else that we should be spared from suffering? If the greatest leaders of the world’s religions have undergone monumental trials and hardships, why not us, mere mortals?
The individuals we featured in this post have gone through the same questions at the start of their journeys in self-realization, but they were all able to overcome doubt and adversity.
If they had been able to do it with their limited resources (or despite atrocious acts of cruelty inflicted on them), so can we—especially those of us with all our limbs, senses, and basic faculties intact.
Aspect #2
The second aspect to which we would like to bring attention is the admittedly timeworn adage, “There is a reason for everything.”
Before any of you roll your eyes, think about this: if Nick, Lizzie, Sean, and Jessica weren’t born with their medical conditions, Erik didn’t go blind, and Eddie didn’t experience the Holocaust, they wouldn’t be motivating and inspiring people today.
They wouldn’t have been spurred on to do the fantastic feats they were able to accomplish. Sometimes, bullies, detractors, super-strict teachers, dismissive doctors, and even medical disorders have their purpose. Their meanness (people) and ability to incapacitate (diseases) propel us to be better versions of ourselves because we want to prove them wrong. Fist-bump, eh, Oprah?
After learning their life lessons and realizing their purposes in life, Nick, Lizzie, and Jessica met other people (even babies) with the same disorders as theirs. All three went on to mentor these folks.
Sean, who experienced self-doubt and self-sabotage in his youth, became a psychotherapist who healed numerous patients who went through the same things he did.
Eddie went on to deliver his message of happiness to people mired in anger, bitterness, and distrust in humanity.
Aspect #3
The third aspect we want to focus on is the fact the individuals featured in this post had something in common aside from their unwavering spirit and courage under fire. They all had supportive families and friends. Their parents built them up inside and out.
What can we learn from this facet of life?
The influence of the primary caretaker in the early years of a child’s life has the greatest impact on adulthood and lasts throughout his lifetime. Psychologists say this period is from birth to nine years of age.
This is why parents and guardians have to be the staunchest and most supportive at this time. This period is when they should impart the most essential life lessons while their wards’ minds are optimally capable of absorbing information.
How to Extract Insights from Problems
When we are burdened by grueling challenges, we should ask ourselves:
What is this problem trying to telling us?
What are we supposed to do about it?
What can we learn from it?
Is it possible that one day, we will meet people who will go through what we are suffering from today?
What will we do then: rant about the evils of what that event/person/condition did to us, or will we help these suffering folks get through this similar challenge with courage and conviction?
The Happiness Myth
Some self-help gurus preach that we have a right to be happy, that the reason for living is to find happiness. But this is why so many people are unhappy. If we believe the goal in life is to be happy and we are not, naturally, we’ll be miserable.
The Buddhists have a different view. Their spiritual leaders preach: “All life is suffering.” This may seem like a negative outlook, but it actually makes those who advocate it content and—surprise, surprise: happy. Why?
It all boils down to the First Noble Truth of Buddhism: “Existence is suffering.”
Existentialists concur. Even religions that advocate the afterlife expect their followers to accept (earthly) life as difficult and painful, with the promise that they will be rewarded after they die.
Christians and Muslims get their compensation and freedom from strife when they get into heaven. Other religions have their equivalent.
The Buddhist counterpart is nirvana (aka moksha), the final goal of Buddhism. It is a transcendent state wherein the soul is released from the effects of karma and the death-rebirth cycle. It also signals the end of suffering, craving, and sense of self.
Logically, though, if we accept the above way of thinking, we won’t be as severely affected by tragedy and daily troubles as someone whose sole goal in life is to be happy.
When we don’t have any expectations of an easy existence, we will accept whatever happens with goodwill. We will be focused on achieving harmony and will never be bothered if another person is happier, wealthier, or more successful than us.
On a slightly different angle (but closely related) is the Christian take on life: servitude. We are placed on this earth to serve others (as per the teachings and life examples of Jesus). Despite this, very few want to accept this philosophy because… hello! Who wants to be lifelong servants?
But if this principle was true, it may explain why we are often better at solving other people’s problems than our own. And the reason we get a mystical sense of joy whenever we help someone.
There is a solution to the unwillingness to accept the ‘servitude principle.’ Serving someone gives the impression that we occupy a lower level in society than the person whose wishes we are carrying out. This is unacceptable to the egoists and the status-conscious among us.
So, what to do? Swap the word ‘serve’ with ‘help.’ Isn’t it more palatable to help rather than serve?
Regardless of belief systems and stations in life, let us open our eyes to the possibility that the horrible things that happen to us today may be catalysts that will make our lives and others’ richer and more meaningful tomorrow.
If you would like to comment on this article—or give constructive criticism, make suggestions, share your story, or be a contributor to our blog, please do so using this contact form. We keep our readers’ information private. Thank you in advance for your contribution.
Expat Scribe, the writer of this article, is also the author of the psychological techno-thriller, “The Invisible Cyber Bully: What it’s like to be watched 24/7.”
The novel tackles the surreptitious bullying and illegal surveillance, DNA-extraction, psychological torture of, and experimentation on ordinary citizens by law enforcers, scientific laboratories, various “hidden” associations, and global authorities. Some chapters discuss the garden-variety bully from schools and neighborhoods. The book also features a primer on how to fight cyber bullying.
Sources:
References are mentioned separately per article featuring each individual in this post.
Photo Credits:
Bonsai in broken globe—Christine Engelhardt
Stressed out—Pete Linforth
Rainbow over landscape— Pixabay’s Public Domain Pictures
Mirrored mountains and lake—Johannes Plenio
Vujičić—Hector Dupont, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike International license (CC-BY-SA 4.0)
Velásquez—Larry D Moore, CC-BY-SA 4.0
Stephenson—CC-BY-SA 3.0
Jaku—Josh Frydenberg
Weihenmayer—CC-BY-SA 4.0
Cox—her website
Silhouette of man raising his hands toward the sky—Gerd Altmann
Hope—Stijn Dijkstra
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