When Chronic Loneliness Leads to Addiction: How to Break the Pattern
“It’s possible for one to feel lonely even when surrounded by lots of people, while another can be alone yet not feel lonely.”
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Readers should never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something they read on this site. Always consult your primary care physician or related professional before making any career, legal, medical, travel, or financial decision.
We based this entry on an article we wrote for a medical center specializing in mental health issues. The original one was primarily informational and focused on the link between loneliness and addiction, but we thought it would be better if our post for this blog on the topic was proactive—suggest solutions in addition to simply offering information.
So we will address the concern early: yes, prolonged loneliness can lead to addiction. But the good news is: we can stop the cycle and we’ll tell you how.
Loneliness Is More Widespread Than You Think
Everyone gets lonely at some point. For many, loneliness has become an accepted and accustomed way of life as a result of accommodation choices, estrangement from family or friends, or living in a remote location.
The Coronavirus pandemic has forced us into social isolation, so the loneliness that tends to accompany it has become part of the “new normal.” Sure, loneliness is normal in small doses but it’s vital to address it when it has become chronic (persisted for a long time) and has started impacting one’s career, studies, relationships, or activities of daily living.
Loneliness has become so pervasive that there are numerous campaigns worldwide to make people aware of the problem. One of them was launched by the Marmalade Trust, which promotes Loneliness Awareness Week every June 14 to 18. The theme for 2021 is acceptance.
When Chronic Loneliness Becomes Deadly
Loneliness has to be dealt with ASAP if it has led one to a dangerous path, such as substance abuse, criminal activities (like shoplifting to elicit attention), various kinds of addiction, psychological disorders, or destructive behavior (like self-harm or suicide attempts).
A concrete example of the impact of extreme sadness is the case of Maureen O’Connor, ex-San Diego mayor and heiress to the $50 million Jack-in-the-Box fast-food chain fortune. She went bankrupt after she got addicted to casinos after her husband died. Her lawyers blamed her “grief gambling” on her incapacity to manage pain and loneliness [1].
Before embarking on our loneliness-addiction analysis, let us clarify some distinctions about specific terms first. The section below was published in the first post of our three-part series on depression, Practical Ways to Deal With Depression: How to Wade the Great Divide Without Drugs.
Take note of how these terms are different:
Solitude—a conscious, voluntary effort to be alone. Being in solitude is a state of being by oneself without other people around. One does this on purpose. A person who chooses to be alone isn’t necessarily lonely.
Loneliness—a reaction to being alone. Unlike going into solitude, you do not “volunteer” to be lonely.
Sadness—(aka feeling down/low/blue) is a normal reaction to problems, losses, disappointment, or bothersome situations. Feeling occasionally sad is part of being human. Normal sadness doesn’t last long and doesn’t affect regular activities. Once gone, it allows you to return to daily life and carry on normally.
Depression—extreme, seemingly uncontrollable, or prolonged sadness or hopelessness that interferes with activities of daily living and negatively impacts one’s functioning
Advantages of Solitude
Secure and thriving social connections are vital for optimal physical, emotional, and mental functioning. It also boosts the immune system. Loneliness compels us to forge this interdependence with others.
But solitude isn’t necessarily negative. In fact, there’s a link between isolation and mental focus. Many people living in solitude grow emotionally, improve their relationships, and broaden their life perspectives.
Another benefit of isolation is enhanced creativity. Solitude amplifies the observatory and reflective actions that propel the artistic process.
Some cultures believe solitude is a requisite for enlightenment. In Christianity, for example, Jesus went into exile for prayer and reflection in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights before rejoining society and performing miracles.
Types of Loneliness
Experts categorize them according to their causes:
Biological—Epidemiologist Nancy Pedersen claims 37-55% of cases of loneliness are inherited—rooted in genetics.
Psychological—results from mental health conditions (such as trauma or manic-depressive disorders) and those experiencing existential or life crises
Internal—occurs when one interprets being alone as negative (more widespread among people with low self-confidence and individuals forced to live alone)
Reactive—a result of life transitions, such as relocation, “empty nest” syndrome, the end of a relationship, or the death of a loved one
Situational—influenced by one’s cultural background (for instance, having different values or beliefs from the majority of the populace) or brought on by socioeconomic circumstances (being displaced by war, natural disasters, terrorist attacks, or the pandemic
Developmental—caused by dysfunctional relationships, hampered self-improvement, lack of intimacy, or poorly developed social skills
Studies on Loneliness
An article published in Science Alert featured professional poker player Rich Alati who bet US$100,000 that he could survive alone in complete darkness for a month.
He stayed in a totally dark room with just a bed, refrigerator, and bathroom. Alati couldn’t handle it, even with all the basic resources needed for survival within his reach. He lost the bet after 20 days, negotiating a payout of US$62,400.
Psychologist Louise Hawkley, a senior research scientist at the University of Chicago’s nonpartisan and objective research organization (NORC), explains that chronic loneliness most likely hits people who either “don’t have the emotional, mental, or financial resources to get out and satisfy their social needs” or don’t have a social network with these benefits [2].
The University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience's late director, John Cacioppo, researched the causes and effects of loneliness and social isolation [3]. His study showed the difference between aloneness and loneliness: “Social isolation is the objective physical separation from others (living alone), while loneliness is the subjective distressed sense of disconnection (feeling alone).”
Cacioppo assures people hampered by loneliness that they haven’t done anything wrong. No one is immune to feelings of isolation, as with hunger or pain. It’s possible for one to feel lonely even when surrounded by lots of people, while another can be alone yet not feel lonely.
How Loneliness ‘Infiltrated’ Society
Many people find living in isolation difficult because human beings are naturally social creatures. Cacioppo explained that loneliness is a survival instinct like hunger or thirst. It is not a sign of weakness or a personality flaw.
The emotion’s origin dates back to prehistoric man, whose survival depended on being part of a communal settlement. Loneliness surfaced whenever he was separated from his peers. It spurred him to seek company, which guaranteed his safety from tribal enemies or animal predators.
Even in modern times, loneliness still serves this purpose. It acts as a power switch, compelling us to connect with others for protection against the negative effects of solitary existence.
What the Numbers Say
Several studies have quashed the notion that it’s mostly seniors who get lonely. This was probably true hundreds of years ago but loneliness is no longer the domain of the elderly, much less for widows/widowers and the brokenhearted.
Singles are not necessarily lonelier than married people. Many from the latter group suffer from loneliness and depression even while living with their spouses and children. In fact, Psychology Today reports that more than 60% of married people struggle with loneliness. Surprisingly, some of these marriages aren’t even “loveless.”
The younger ones aren’t exempt from experiencing the emotion either, as proven by clinical studies that reveal millennials and Generation Z are at the top of the loneliness scale. Pamela Qualter from the University of Manchester backed this peak in loneliness among adolescents with her research.
Cross-generational statistics reveal that 30% of millennials (aka the “social media generation”) “always or often feel lonely compared to 20% of Gen-X and 15% of Baby Boomers”… prompting YouGov America to label millennials as “the loneliest generation.”
The middle-aged group is next in line. The Association of American Retired Persons’ (AARP) September 2018 survey stated that 35% of US adults aged 45 and above reported loneliness and social isolation. Loneliness was higher among LGBTQ+ seniors (49%) than their non-LGBTQ+ contemporaries.
In contrast, 50-60% of the elderly are not often lonely. Age aside, Cacioppo estimates that 20% of Americans suffer from chronic, severe loneliness.
Loneliness Stats Around the World
An article in MDLinx (an award-winning tool physicians and other healthcare professionals use to stay up-to-date with the latest scientific research) reports that loneliness affects up to 47% of US adults—twice the rate affected in the past few decades. (Unmanaged) loneliness is associated with a 26% increased risk for premature death.
One in four Australians feels lonely once every week, minimum. One in five Australians rarely or never has anyone to confide in when they need assistance.
In Japan, 541,000 people under the age of 40 haven’t left their residence or interacted with anyone for a minimum of six months to several years. The Japanese have a term for these shut-ins: Hikikomori, whose condition we will discuss in a future post.
In the UK, 9 million people across all generations either always or often feel lonely. In terms of gender, the UK Office for National Statistics (ONS) reveals that (British) women reported feeling lonely more frequently than men. This was based on ONS’s 2016-2017 Community Life Survey.
Adverse Effects
Loneliness can have harmful consequences to health in terms of:
Cognition—Lonely people have a greater tendency toward depression. They may have difficulty processing information, which leads to poor decision-making and memory recall problems.
Cacioppo explains that loneliness prompts pleasurable but impulsive and damaging health behaviors, such as being less motivated to exercise, adding more fat and sugar to diets, or indulgence in alcoholism or drug addiction.
Psychology—Loneliness makes people less able to deal with stressful circumstances.
Biology—Studies have shown a link between loneliness and social isolation and higher risks for and vulnerability to various medical conditions, such as:
high blood pressure
cardiovascular illnesses
respiratory diseases, including breathing difficulties
Alzheimer’s disease
cognitive degeneration, including brain fog
obesity
depression
anxiety, including panic attacks
stress
personality/eating/substance abuse disorders
obsessive-compulsive behaviors
psychoses
suicidal ideation
early mortality
The lonely are more susceptible to physical diseases because of compromised immune systems. A study by Brigham Young University psychology and neuroscience professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad equates social isolation and loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and claims that together, they are “twice as harmful as obesity [4].”
Cacioppo’s 2002 longitudinal study of middle-aged and older participants in Chicago discovered that loneliness is a predictor of high blood pressure and depression. It also found that loneliness hinders sleep but doesn’t shorten its time span.
Addiction and the Blues (Minus the Rhythm)
Some mental health experts claim addiction is “a disease of loneliness” since addicts are typically lonely. However, not all of them start out that way. Some addicts isolate themselves so that they can freely indulge in their compulsions without anyone judging them. But this leads them to become emotionally distant.
Some addicts find that loneliness is a byproduct of their addiction. Others discover that their substance dependence stems from isolation, anxiety, and depression. They do not realize until it’s too late that addictive substances and compulsive behavior only make problems worse despite providing temporary relief.
Addicts often use prescription medication, alcohol, illicit drugs, or deviant behavior to duplicate emotions they crave, like appreciation, importance, happiness, and love—all of which we typically gain from social interaction. Research reveals that addiction is rooted in the user’s inability to connect in healthy ways with people—leading researchers to label addiction as a “social disorder.”
How to Counteract the Negative Effects of Loneliness
Confide in family, friends, trusted colleagues or neighbors, or religious/community leaders.
Reconnect with old buddies and classmates—better if face-to-face, but online is okay too, what with the pandemic still raging on. You may have millions of followers on Twitter/YouTube/Instagram/Pinterest and even more friends on Facebook, but an intimate connection with a few trusted souls beats all that.
Consult a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. (The latter prescribes medicine.) If you don’t have insurance or are paying out-of-pocket on a budget, approach your counselor in school or at work for complimentary sessions. If you’re currently enrolled/employed in that institution, therapies may be included in your tuition fee/HR benefits.
Some community centers, neighborhood clinics, religious organizations/parishes, charities, NGOs, and municipalities offer free or discounted therapeutic sessions conducted by in-house counselors or visiting experts.
Distract yourself with hobbies you enjoy or cultivate new ones.
Join a club whose members have the same interests as yours.
Join support groups dealing with loneliness. Most of them are online so you can remotely participate in their forums and videoconferences.
Walk/jog/run around your neighborhood. If feeling adventurous, do this in a different, previously unexplored district. You might discover something new and positive.
Exercise or engage in sports. You don’t have to be a gym member if that’s too daunting. (Although, consider that fitness centers and sports arenas are great venues for social interaction).
Doing any physical activity (even just cleaning your home or cooking) can give you a workout.
Volunteer at a charity, mentor someone, or do random acts of kindness.
Play with pets or adopt/borrow one if you don’t have any. Animals have a way of lifting humans’ spirits without exerting effort. Active pets like dogs enforce communication with other people (say, at the park or the beach) who can be potential future friends.
If so inclined, you can babysit or petsit. Not only will you be helping the child’s or pet’s parents/guardians, but you will also be interacting with another living being entirely dependent on you. This fosters integrity, value (being appreciated), a sense of responsibility, and self-confidence.
Engage in purposeful, constructive activities with others.
Surround yourself only with optimistic, positive, understanding, and sympathetic people who make you feel good about yourself without resorting to harmful activities. Stay away from addictive personalities. These include poker buddies (if you play for money), alcohol enthusiasts, and drug friendlies.
Move your body freestyle. For instance, jumping on a trampoline, stretching, or flailing your arms and legs about randomly gets rid of knots and kinks that accumulate from stress. Go dancing even if your feet fly in opposite directions. If you need structure, enroll in an ethnic dance class.
Visit Connect2Affect, the AARP Foundation’s long-term initiative to dispel isolation and secure social connections for older adults. The site provides tools and resources to help people assess their risk for isolation, reach out to other lonely and disengaged folks, and find realistic ways to reconnect with their communities.
If your loneliness is an offshoot of boredom, try something new and exciting, like paragliding, scuba diving, learning to fly a helicopter, or traveling to an exotic island.
Attend 12-Step programs. Examples of organizations that offer these are Alcoholics, Spenders, Nicotine, and Gamblers Anonymous.
Establish supportive relationships while undergoing rehabilitation or detox.
If your loneliness turns to depression, it’s even more vital that you seek advice from mental health professionals. Ask them about healing techniques, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or talk therapies. (We will discuss these in future articles.)
Causes of Loneliness
Vulnerability to loneliness does not depend on how many friends or relationships you have. It is determined by the subjective quality of your relationships—your emotional and social connection with (or disconnection from) people around you.
Loneliness comes partly from not having access to quality relationships where you can share intimate thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.
It can also be due to many other reasons, including long-term illnesses, disability, psychological issues, alienation from family and friends, stress, overworking, living in a community where you don’t feel you belong, lack of connection with likeminded people, relations that don’t meet your needs, or side effects from medications.
How to Beat Loneliness from the Perspective of Scientists
In their “loneliness sourcebook,” social scientists Letitia Anne Peplau (University of California, Los Angeles) and Daniel Perlman (University of North Carolina at Greensboro) [5] suggested coping strategies for dispelling loneliness:
1) Improve your social relations.
This is the most satisfying way to overcome loneliness. Some do this by taking full advantage of their social network. Others create “proxy” relationships with radio, video, or TV personalities like Oprah.
Another form of a surrogate relationship is exemplified in the Tom Hanks movie, Cast Away. The protagonist, Chuck Noland, converted a volleyball into a personified friend to keep him company during his four years alone on a deserted island. He named the ball Wilson after its manufacturer, Wilson Sporting Goods.
2) Change your social needs and desires.
Reduce your need for social contact by choosing activities and tasks that can be done alone instead of those that you enjoy only with company. Re-examine your standards for relating socially. Make them conform more closely to your reality.
3) Reduce the perceived importance of social deficiency.
Do not look at your loneliness as an offshoot of being socially inept. Many extroverts and people in the entertainment industry, especially comedians (the late Robin Williams) frequently find themselves sad and dejected.
Instead, engage in constructive distraction. Techniques on this are tackled in part two of our series on beating depression: Wacky Ways to Deal With Depression Without Drugs.
How to Cut the Link Between Loneliness and Addiction
Treat the symptoms but attack the cause. If you banish loneliness, there won’t be a reason for addiction. If you address and eliminate your addiction, you may still feel lonely at times, but your loneliness will come from a different (and hopefully, easier to solve) source.
Be vigilant if you find yourself turning to alcohol, prescription medicine, illicit drugs, or other addictive substances (or engaging in destructive behavior) to curb your loneliness or numb your distressing thoughts/emotions.
It’s important to get addiction treatment while the disease is in its early stages. Otherwise, if you’re in too deep, the options get fewer and more difficult to undergo. Mind you, detoxification is no picnic! (No matter how fancy or celebrity-filled the facility you choose.)
Consult your primary care physician to direct you to the right medical path. He or she may prescribe medications but these only treat the symptoms of addiction and do not eliminate the cause. Also, some of them have side effects, including a high potential for drug dependence.
Try conventional or allopathic (Western) medicine first. If its methods don’t alleviate your symptoms, try integrative or alternative medicine. Your doctor is usually in touch with practitioners of complementary therapies. Ask for a referral. Determine from your health ministry if these modalities are covered by your insurance provider. (Some are.)
Switch to a healthier equivalent of your favorite substance. For example, fill a wine bottle with grape juice to trick your mind into thinking you’re imbibing your drink of choice. Rather than swigging cola, gulp iced tea.
Instead of addictive prescription painkillers, pop Tic Tacs. Swap that cigarette with nicotine gum or stick a patch. These techniques may seem like an oversimplification, but some have found them helpful. (They probably have less sensitive tastebuds!)
Refrain from hoarding potentially addictive substances at home/school/work. If you have housemates, family members, schoolmates, or co-workers who keep these for themselves, ask them to hide and lock up their stash. When these are absent/away from one’s reach, it’s easier to resist them.
Some addicts, while sober, have gone as far as to tell their alcohol/drug suppliers and stores not to serve them even if they beg or demand. Similarly, some gamblers desperate to kick their habit voluntarily extricate themselves from casinos by requesting their favorite establishments not to accommodate them. Some organizations offer this service on behalf of inveterate gamblers.
Addiction, compulsive behavior, and other psychological disorders are serious, complicated medical conditions that require careful attention and extensive coverage. Their treatments are equally complex and varied. We will feature informational articles in future posts.
The internet is rife with videos, podcasts, apps, and publications about these topics. But for your safety, choose the ones produced by acclaimed experts, respected publications (scientific journals), and major medical establishments (the premier medical centers, educational institutions, and teaching hospitals in your district/country) for your sources of information.
Final Thoughts
Loneliness is temporary but be careful that it does not become unmanageable to the point that it breeds compulsive behavior or addiction. For distraction, engage in activities that give you joy but don’t harm your health. Happiness is relative. Define what it is for you. Once you’ve done so, you can begin charting the next course of your life.
Although loneliness is different from depression, you may benefit from knowing some techniques on beating depression. Site visitors open to out-of-the-box solutions may check out the second installment of our series on the subject: Wacky Ways to Deal With Depression: How to Wade the Great Divide Without Drugs—Part 2.
Sources:
[1] Jaret and Hogan. “Losing Everything to Gambling Addiction”. AARP Bulletin. January/February 2014.
[2] Hawkley, LC and Cacioppo, JT. “Loneliness and pathways to disease”. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity. Elsevier. 2003.
[3] Cacioppo, JT and Patrick, W. “Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection”. WW Norton & Company. 2008.
[4] Holt-Lunstad, Julianne. “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review”. Sage Journals—Perspectives on Psychological Science, vol 10, #2. 2015.
[5] Peplau and Perlman. “Loneliness: A Sourcebook of Current Theory, Research and Therapy”. Wiley Series on Personality Processes. 1982.
Hartung, Ron. “Massive study confirms that loneliness increases risk of dementia”. Medical Xpress. 2018.
Robinson, Sarita. “Isolation Has Profound Effects on The Human Body And Brain. Here’s What Happens”. The Conversation. 2019.
Photo Credits:
Silhouette of a lone bird on a rooftop—Rubén Bagüés
Las Vegas Strip—Michelle Raponi
Despair—Bilal Bozdemir
Cat silhouette—Bessi
Veiled mannequin—Mary Oloumi
Elderly couple—Jaddy Liu
Coffee with friends—Toa Heftiba
Painter—Eddy Klaus
Man and dog paddle-boarding—Alex Blăjan
Ethnic Dance—Pavan Gupta
Paragliding—Gerhard G.
Scuba diving—Sebastian Pena Lambarri
Kid on a pedestal—Carl Jorgensen
Yoga—Free-Photos
Tic Tacs—Hans Braxmeier
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