What It’s Like To Be a Person With Disabilities
“My sister assures me that I am a beautiful soul beyond my physical disability and God loves me perfectly in spite of my imperfections.”
Why Am I Different?
When I was a little girl, I often wondered why people stared at me and why some children laughed at me when I walked. Then I asked my parents, “Why am I different from others?” They answered, “Because you are special. You are unique.”
I realized as I was growing up that there was something wrong with me. I had polio. What made it more difficult to accept is that my condition was not inborn (I was not born with it). I acquired it when I was six months old. At times, I regret that if it did not happen, my life would have been more normal.
The Cause
My mom had preeclampsia when I was in her womb. Preeclampsia is a disorder characterized by high blood pressure as one of its symptoms. It occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period. It affects both the mother and the unborn baby. My mom had a near-death experience when she gave birth to me. Both of us almost died, but fortunately, her obstetrician saved us.
Due to my mom’s condition, I was born premature at eight months, 29-32 weeks old. I came out only 5 pounds, 5 ounces, and 17½ inches in length. My mom said that I was so frail and tiny, I could fit in a size five shoe box. I was put in an incubator for a few weeks.
Because of my fragile condition and weak immune system that put me in danger of many possible complications, my doctor discouraged my mom to have me polio-vaccinated. Thus, at six months old, I caught the polio virus. Polio, also known as poliomyelitis and infantile paralysis, is a highly contagious viral infection that can lead to paralysis, breathing problems, or even death.
According to my cousin, who helped my mom take care of me, what tipped them off to my impending medical issue was a very high fever, incessant crying, paleness, and agitation. My parents immediately brought me to a nearby pediatric clinic where I was diagnosed with polio. Thus started my ordeal.
My doctor treated me for two years. My mom and my cousin brought me to the clinic every Wednesday. Rain or shine, they braved the traffic just to have me treated. Sometimes, my mom even borrowed money from her colleagues when the budget was tight just to continue my treatment. I thanked my mom and my cousin for they sacrificed a lot for me.
The Toddler Years
My parents observed the delay in my walking. I only learned to walk at two years old with the help of a walker and the guidance of my parents. (Most babies start walking between 6 and 18 months.) My parents noticed that my left leg is smaller than my right and I limped when I walked. It was also at this age when my asthma started to develop.
I had difficulty doing other leg activities. Between four and five years old, I could not participate in many games that required running, like cops and robbers, play jumping, or hopping. Since my left leg is weaker than my right, I had difficulty with balancing. I became more prone to tripping and falling, even until now. Thus, my movement was limited.
I just sat with my mom outside our house and watched my older sister, cousins, and playmates play. My parents got me dolls, toys, and pet birds, dogs, and ducks for me to play with, since I stayed home most of the time and could not play outdoor games. I just played indoor games with my older sister, playmates, and cousins.
My dad bought me a three-wheeled bike to help me exercise my legs. I rode it inside the garage. He also provided us with art supplies and other equipment to enhance our creativity, talents, and potential. My mom provided us with books and other educational materials to hone our intelligence and skills.
Together, they supplied us with basic needs like nice clothes, milk, vitamins, medicine, nutritious food, and a beautiful home. They provided us love, support, affection, values, medical care, the best education, and the most comfortable life they could afford.
Family Bonding
We spent quality time as a family from infancy to adulthood. My family and I bonded together by engaging in both domestic and outdoor activities. We often went to the mall, frequented the grocery, shopped, and ate out. We organized and attended parties, visited relatives and friends.
We traveled out of town and to different countries. We visited museums, historical places, churches, parks, and zoos. We watched movies and theater performances. We also went to the doctor and dentist for consultations and treatments together.
At home, we baked, cooked, and cleaned the house together. We played musical instruments, drew or painted, watched our favorite TV shows, participated in games, played with our pets, and shared stories and laughter. My parents helped us do our homework.
My parents took care of us when we were sick. They brought me to the National Orthopedic Hospital for physical therapy, but most of my treatment continued at home. I remember my mom giving me hot compresses, massages, and even injections.
Invoking a Higher Power
It was devastating for my parents to realize that their youngest child has a physical disability. So they turned to God. My parents inculcated in us at a very young age the love for and faith in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Mama Mary, angels, and saints.
My family and I regularly attended masses at Our Lady of Lourdes Church and St. Anthony de Padua Church to pray for my healing, protection, and relief from my difficulties. We also prayed the rosary every night.
My parents also instilled in us the value of gratitude and acceptance, as they have accepted my condition. They told me that I am lucky for being alive and able to walk compared to others who are totally paralyzed, in a worse situation, or who died from polio.
They told me and made me feel that I am a blessing to the family and that they love me unconditionally. My parents were hands-on in taking care of us. I owe them my life. This made me feel more grateful.
The Grade School Years
I entered kindergarten in an exclusive girls’ school with a brace on my left leg. I wore it until Grade 2. My orthopedic doctor advised it. My physical therapy continued.
I could say that I had happy memories as a child in school. My teachers and classmates were very supportive. They accepted me and were concerned about me. They gave me priority and VIP treatment, which I enjoyed a lot. I got to be the first in line and sat in front of the class. My teachers assigned a classmate to assist me. I was exempted from doing strenuous activities.
My friends and classmates volunteered to help me carry my bags to and from the classroom and the school bus. I got to play the games I liked, but with limitations. I joined activities, but with minimal action. So any group I joined was deemed lucky because I was counted as a regular player, but played with considerations—giving my teammates an edge over the competition. More often than not, my team won.
On the other hand, my older sister was always there to protect me from students who bullied me, which could not be avoided. I was treated as special, but not different from others. They treated me as any normal child.
An Embarrassing Situation Turned to My Advantage
As I moved forward, I lost my balance, missed a step, fell, and rolled down from the top to the bottom of the stairway. I felt so embarrassed. I was immediately brought to the campus clinic. My parents and older sister hurriedly went to see me.
The next day, I was the talk of the school. I got to be known as the girl with braces. Well, at least, I became popular in school.
Talent Development and Activity Engagement
My parents encouraged and motivated me to improve on what I was already capable of doing. They helped me enhance my talent in drawing (which I inherited from my dad) and supported me when I joined contests, especially my dad. My mom let me experience Hawaiian-style dancing.
They also provided us with piano lessons and were present at our recitals. They watched my performances in the Glee Club. They even let me join the Star Scouts. My mom, a teacher, gave me the best role in a play when I attended the summer program in her school. My parents were always present in almost all of my school and outside school activities.
I was also active in church or parish activities. This made me proud of my achievements.
Bullies
However, reality sank in whenever I was outside school or home. I encountered some children who did not understand disability. They laughed at me, teased me, and called me names. It somehow affected me. My family, relatives, and friends advised me not to mind them.
Corrective Surgery
When I was 13 years old, I had an operation on my left leg—the one affected by polio. My orthopedic doctor conducted a procedure to “correct” my left foot so I could make a step with my sole flat on the ground. This allowed me to feel the ground as I walked. (My left sole was slightly raised before the operation.)
I was in a cast and crutches for six months. I went to school and other places in this condition. After that, I wore corrective shoes in high school. I thought the operation made my walking straighter. Still, I limp because my left leg is shorter than my right. The only difference was that I can now walk with my left foot flat on the ground.
The Teenage Years
The teen period was the most difficult stage in my life. It is when young people are attracted to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, not all teenagers are attracted to people with defects. This was when I felt rejected, excluded, and sometimes insulted.
There were times when I ended up a wallflower in parties because no one wanted to dance with me. Guys asking me for a dance rarely happened. I felt so unattractive. In a stage where physical appearance matters a lot, who would be attracted to a person with a disability? Sometimes, cruel people even called a disability a “factory defect.” I felt so insecure with my looks, I became defensive.
Once, when a friend of mine was preparing for her debut, her choreographer excluded me from the cotillion because I could not dance as well as my friends. She was convinced I would be an eyesore at the party. This contributed to my low self-esteem.
My debutant friend felt sorry for me, so she gave me a role in her party that didn’t involve dancing. I sang a duet with my best friend instead.
My best friend, who witnessed this event, wanted to make me feel better the next time around. She made up for the earlier fiasco by including me in her debut’s cotillion. She convinced her choreographer to let me join. That was how I finally got to experience being part of a cotillion. I am grateful to my best friend for making that experience one of the most unforgettable moments in my life.
Counteracting by Neutralization
So, I compensated my insecurities and physical disability by focusing on my studies and achievements. I obtained my bachelor’s degree in Psychology from an exclusive all-girls’ college. I was a consistent member of the dean’s list throughout my college life and graduated with honors. I was also active in school activities and was the president of a school organization. This gave me self-confidence.
Despite the setbacks, I enjoyed my teenage life with many friends and school/church/parish activities. I engaged in typical adolescent pursuits: hanging out with friends; watching movies, concerts, plays, and the ballet; malling; attending parties; eating out; frequenting bars; and going to the gym.
We also went on out-of-town trips. I attended national/international youth conventions, retreats, and recollections; participated in religious, local, and national assemblies; and was a poll watcher during the past national elections.
I also taught Catechism, did some charity work, and visited a number of charitable institutions. With the realization of unlimited possibilities and opportunities, my world and perspective broadened.
My parents’ trust became my guideline for averting temptation and not getting into naughty things. It also made me more responsible for my actions.
My patient and understanding parents, older sister, relatives, and friends were always there to advise, inspire, motivate, and protect me. They were always willing to listen. They strengthened me with words of wisdom every time I felt so down with problems. They uplifted me through thick and thin. They gave me hope, assurance, security, and a deep sense of belonging. I was able to surpass the trials in my life through their love and support.
The Adult Years
I obtained my master’s degree in Education, majoring in Special Education, from one of the prominent universities in my country. I was inspired to take this course after I worked as a part-time teacher in a school for children with special needs. I chose it to have a better understanding and empathy for children and adults with special needs or disabilities like me. I wanted to motivate and inspire them and their families.
I met a lot of friends and cultivated relationships in the university where I studied for my master’s degree. A number of guys asked me out on dates. This made me realize I am attractive after all in spite of my disability.
I got a teaching job in a regular school where they accepted me regardless of my physical challenge. They said that diversity is important so the children will accept, be exposed to, and learn about different kinds of people. Some curious students asked me why I walk differently.
I made it a rule to explain how I got my polio or physical disability on the first day of class, so the students would understand right away. Eventually, the children I taught loved and accepted me and my disability.
When I taught college, everything was different. My disability did not matter to my students anymore.
My family continued to have faith and trust in what I can do. They taught me to be more independent and responsible. In fact, there were times when they let me travel to other countries alone or with my friends. I learned to become more assertive.
Romantic Relationships
After my earlier platonic relationships with men, I started getting into romantic encounters. I was so vulnerable, I would easily get attracted and fall in love with men who initially showered me with love and attention, only to deceive and hurt me in the end. I realized afterward that some men have only dubious intentions toward me.
Having learned my lesson, I became more careful in discerning men’s objectives. I vowed to choose only a sincere, honest, patient, God-fearing, and faithful man with good intentions, integrity, and values who will genuinely and unconditionally love, respect, and accept me—flaws, disabilities, and all.
Additional Major Challenges
After taking some units for my second master’s in Clinical Psychology, I proceeded to embark on my doctorate studies in the same degree in a renowned university. I was able to complete only a few units.
Unfortunately in 2010, I had a severe asthma attack, which led to brain hypoxia (lack of oxygen in the brain) that resulted in partially blurred vision.
As a result, I have to use a magnifying glass to read and write. My reading material is now limited to large-print publications. I have to enlarge the fonts of everything I read digitally or online. Prescription eyewear cannot help me because it wasn’t my eyes that were affected but a portion of my brain.
I was also diagnosed with scoliosis and hypertension. These additional medical challenges devastated me. My disabilities are now head-to-toe. Because of this, I cannot go back to work anymore and pursue further studies. My activities became more limited than before.
Other major trials came. I also had failed relationships. All these conditions disheartened me. I felt so broken, but I learned a lot from my experiences. It took some time before I got over the depression with the help of my loved ones.
Despite my physical limitations, I was able to take care of both my parents from the moment they got sick until they passed away. I did errands and worked on some medical and charitable requirements for them, especially in my mom’s case.
With the help of my family, extended relatives, friends, (including my parents’ friends, family friends, and religious people), my students and their parents, class/school mates, helpers, neighbors, medical personnel, people we barely know who showed kindness and concern, and some charitable institutions who supported us spiritually, financially, and morally, we were able to manage these trials. We are so grateful to them.
My older sister and I are blessed with the opportunity to give back to our parents their love and care for us. We would not be who we are today (individuals with integrity and values) if it weren’t for our parents.
Acceptance
It was only recently when I was finally able to regard myself as a person with disabilities (PWD). Though there are disadvantages to being one, there are also advantages.
Most of the time, I do not need to show my PWD ID because my physical disability is quite obvious when I walk (unless I’m sitting down or partially hidden behind a desk, like newscasters). As long as I can produce my ID, I am given many privileges. I am now proud to be a PWD.
These are some of the advantages I enjoy as a PWD:
Often, I do not need to fall in line. But if I do, people give me priority.
I get big discounts on prescription medicine, doctor’s fees, and hospital/medical/dental/laboratory services.
I get discounts in food supplies, restaurants, movies, theaters, groceries, public transportation, basic necessities, and other services.
Whenever I travel in airports, I get a complimentary wheelchair and priority services.
My ride gets parking privileges through me.
I get to meet a lot of kindhearted people who genuinely want to assist me. They carry heavy loads for me, offer their seats to me, and catch me when I trip or fall. They help me cross the street, traverse uneven pavements, climb up and down stairs, or enter/exit public utility vehicles. I call them my angels.
My immediate family, extended relatives, and friends also benefit from my discounts whenever they hang out with me.
A Challenging Life
I acknowledge that I am no different from non-disabled people in that they, too, have multiple problems.
But as a PWD, I experienced so many life challenges: my mobility impediment (from contracting polio), my additional medical conditions (scoliosis, hypertension, asthma), having failed relationships, losing my parents, not being able to go back to work, having to forgo my passion (teaching), and failure to obtain my doctorate degree.
The last one was due to my additional disability of partially blurred vision. Because of this, my activities became even more restricted due to fear of falling or tripping. Now, I can go outside only with the assistance of my family members, friends, or helpers—and by walking with a cane. Before, I was able to go out on my own even without one and someone to assist me.
On the other hand, I still consider myself so blessed and lucky for I have my parents (deceased), my older sister, brother-in-law, relatives, friends, family friends, religious friends, neighbors, class/school mates, co-teachers, former educators, mentors, respected elders, students, co-members in organizations I joined, doctors (especially my orthopedist), helpers, other loved ones, and pets.
They give me unconditional love, care, concern, hope, acceptance, assurance, respect, importance, inspiration, encouragement, and support. They protect me and make me feel safe and secure. They strengthen me, uplift my spirits, motivate me to go on living, be the best that I can be, find my purpose in life, and be a gift to others. I see my situation as a blessing in disguise and view it in a more positive way.
My older sister always tells me that I am a beautiful soul beyond my physical disability and God loves me perfectly in spite of my imperfections. I have a lot of blessings I am grateful for and I thank God for my wonderful life.
References:
Photo Credits:
Tulips: Rupert Britton
Forlorn woman amidst cutouts: Gerd Altmann
Blue stairs: Robert Brands
Infographic: Alberto H. Fabregas
Thumbnail: Raimond Klavins
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